The Book Review: A Heart That Works
In this memoir of loss, acclaimed writer and comedian Rob Delaney grapples with the fragile miracle of life, the mysteries of death, and the question of purpose for those left behind.
The loss of a loved one is something that unless experienced is hard to comprehend, this is even more so the case when that loss is of a child. Rob Delaney is an actor, comedian and writer who has unfortunately experienced such a loss when his 2 year old boy, Henry, passed away following a brief but heroic battle with cancer. Rob took it upon himself to share his experience of his and his family’s loss, the turmoil, emotions and challenges faced when grieving in such a tragic and profound manner.
The book is a rollercoaster of emotions, filled with joy and happiness when Rob recalls his fondest memories of Henry and documents the love and strength of his little boy and the family who loved and cared for him, and of course sadness and mourning for the loss, hurt, grief and overwhelming sense of helplessness that Rob describes when speaking of Henry’s illness, treatment and ultimate passing.
To think of this book as merely a record of losing a child who suffered from cancer would be a gross misjudgement. It tells a story of what losing a loved one truly feels like and the complex emotions that are involved with this, the impact that loss can have on a person and the echo’s that continue after suffering such a tragedy.
Having personally lost my father when I was younger (this isn’t by any means a comparison) I found myself strongly connected to the message of how confusing loss can be, the anger and the moments of true overwhelming sadness, the thoughts that you have and how the world is placed into a perspective that will ultimately be changed forever, for you and those impacted by the loss of a loved one.
As much as this book is focused on grief and loss it is also very joyous and I found my heart filled with love for Henry when Rob describes his fondest memories and moments of true happiness displayed by his beautifully brave boy. This extends to the way in which Rob speaks of the love for his wife and their other children, the relationships they formed during this desperate time in their lives and how they were supported by family, friends, healthcare professionals and beyond.
The process of reading this book was very cathartic as it allowed me to think back to the time of my loss and understand why I felt the way that I did, that it was of course natural for me to feel that way at the time of my own loss. Part of the challenge with grief is thinking that you should feel a certain way and when your emotions are not as expected you can begin to question yourself. Reading Rob’s statement of his own experience and challenges when faced with the loss of his child makes it very clear that grief is a complex emotion and one that should be engaged with and dealt with in the manner that you feel most appropriate. No one is ever prepared for something of this nature and unfortunately there are few words that can provide comfort.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who has suffered a loss or who has a friend/colleague or other family member going through a loss of their own. It is filled with powerful insights and messages that can be applied to both those who are suffering and those who want to offer support. To summarise a very valuable lesson that Rob makes in the book, if someone you know and care for is going through a loss please just turn up and be there for them, asking them to let you know if they need anything isn’t enough, we can all do more to support, listen and pick up the duties of life to let someone grieve and suffer as naturally as they can in what is likely the darkest time of their life.
This book was one that I couldn’t put down and as hard as the story is and how sad the ending is, the process of grief and understanding of loss is something we should all learn more about not just for ourselves but for those around us as it will make us kinder and more compassionate when it is really needed.