No one's talking about ... Suicide
There are few things more traumatic in life than dealing with the death of a loved one, but a death by suicide can be exceptionally distressing, and feelings of guilt or anger can often become intensified.
Suicides are often completely unexpected, with victims habitually concealing the seriousness of their mental health problems over a long period. This can lead family members to blame themselves for not seeing the signs, or feeling resentful or angry at the person who has passed away for not reaching out to them for help. There is no blueprint for reacting to a suicide, and it’s important to remember that there is no blame to be placed on anybody for this happening, even though trying to find a cause can help make the situation feel more logical.
The impact of a suicide can often be incredibly far reaching, with colleagues, clients or acquaintances being more affected than perhaps people anticipate.
If you find yourself affected by suicide, looking after your own mental health is essential. The Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide (SOBS) charity website is a really good place to start when you aren’t sure how to begin processing the situation. They have a helpline and also local support groups where you can go to help you find some comfort.
Suicides can feel impossible to get over, and it’s likely you’ll always have unanswered questions about what happened, but there are ways that you can manage through the situation by finding solace with those who have been through a similar experience.
It's well publicised that men are disproportionately affected by suicide. During 2019, of the 5,691 deaths recorded as a result of suicide, three quarters were men. However, it is likely that the number of suicides is actually higher than this as the law was only changed in May 2019 to reduce the extensive amount of evidence that was necessary in order for the coroner to conclude that the death was as a result of suicide. Although there are countless reasons why someone would feel their only option left is suicide, men frequently feel the overwhelming burden of financial responsibility, particularly when they have children. With the economic impact from coronavirus causing many people to be put onto furlough or made redundant, it’s essential that men feel like they have support in place, both mentally and financially, when they feel like they can’t manage anymore. Here are some free resources that can be contacted anonymously for support:
CALM: Campaign Against Living Miserably This charity is heavily promoted and supported by comedians through the channel, Dave, and Radio X. Though not exclusively for men, it does have a particular focus on prevention of male suicide and opening up the conversation about male mental health. They have a phone line and also live chat on their website from 5pm-midnight each day if you feel more comfortable talking to someone online. Both are operated by mental health professionals.
Men’s Minds Matter Centralising lots of resources together, their website guides you to support whether you need immediate assistance, are struggling with anxiety, sleep or anger issues, or if you want recommendations of helpful books or apps.
Citizens Advice: Help if you’re struggling as a result of coronavirus The page specifically refers to what you’re entitled to or things you can do if you’ve lost your job or have a reduced income as a result of coronavirus. This includes access to free school meals, any allowances you can claim, or bills that you’re able to take payment holidays on. However, the site has lots of support if you’re struggling financially for any reason including long term illness and debt advice.
Call 999/111: Never be concerned about calling the emergency services if you feel like you’re a danger to yourself, or someone close to you is exhibiting incredibly worrying behaviour. If you feel like you could harm yourself, then being in a safe place where they can look after you is the best place to be. If you broke a bone, you wouldn’t think twice about going to the hospital for urgent treatment, so if your brain is broken, you shouldn’t think of it any differently.